How to Become a Country Star

There's questions we're always hearing every where we go

Like how do I cut a record or get on a country show

Well, it takes more than just ambition and three chords on an old guitar

There's a few more thing you ought to learn to be a country star.



You have to learn to sing like Waylon or pick like Jerry Reed

Yodel like Jeannie Shepard write songs like Tom T

Put a cry in your voice like Haggard learn Spanish like Johnny R

Whisper like Bill Anderson and you'll be a country star.



Play piano like Ronnie Milsap or Gilley or Jerry Lee

Yo-yo like Roy Acuff or talk plain like Ralph Emery

Growl like Conway Twitty get a red white and blue guitar

Build a swimming pool like Webb did and you'll be a country star.



Be tall like Sonny James or tell jokes like Minnie Pearl

Be short like Jimmy Dickens or play five-string like Earl

Get a hip band like Willie learn to stutter like M-Mel

Get a cap like Roy Clark wore or a voice like Barbara Mandrell.



Be rich like Eddy Arnold say you're making more than you are

Get a gimmick like Charley Pride got and you'll be a country star.



But if you have no talent and you're not a male

If you're built somewhat like Dolly or have a face like Crystal Gayle

Come back stage and ask for Harold, Phil, Don or Lou

And we'll see you auditioned for the Statler Brothers Review...