Front Row

(I know he's blood, but you can still turn him away

You don't owe him anything)



Do you go to the dungeon to find out how to make peace

With your days in the dungeon?

Writing a letter to you

Didn't make me feel any more peaceful than how I felt

When we weren't speaking

Because I didn't cop to what I did



I can't love you because we're supposed to have professional boundaries

I'd like you to be schooled and in an awe

As though you were kissed by God

Full on the lips



I'm in the front row, the front row with popcorn

I get to see you, see you close up



[Background: I'm too tired to recount the unpleasantries one by one

One minute I want to banish you

The next I want to be on a deserted island with you and my three

Favorite CDs

Ambivalent in your bed

We've yet to acknowledge what really happened]



Slid into the ditch

I have this overwhelming loss of ambition

We said, "Let's name thirty good reasons

Why we shouldn't be together"

I started by saying things like, "You smoke; you live in New Jersey"



You started saying things like, "You belong to the world"

All of which could have been easily refuted

But the conversation was hypothetical

I am totally short of breath for you

Why can't you shut your stuff off?



I'm in the front row, the front row with popcorn

I get to see you, see you close up



[Background: And I laughed until my lungs hurt

I love how you bust my chops

You don't always feel seen

Sometimes you feel erasable

Unfortunately I cannot reciprocate in my current state

I think we should be careful of how much time we spend together]



...For a while, while I'm speaking

You know how much you hate to be interrupted

Maybe spend some time alone

Fill up your proverbial cup so

That it doesn't always have to be about you



I've been wanting your undivided attention

I like the fact that you're nothing like me

Are you not burdened by the lack of perspective people have of

Your charmed life (seemingly)?



I'm in the front row, the front row with popcorn

I get to see you, see you close up



[Background: You never meant to be ungrateful

Nor held up to be whipped or wept

For certainly not analysed

Prodded at in more ways than one

Apparently you've been misrepresented

Dealing with the concept of arrows being slung towards your

Outrageous fortune]



Hey, I'm not mad at you, guardian

I'm mad at myself for spending so much time with you

And your Jekyll and Hydeness

I'm glad I figuratively slapped you on the wrist

You laughed a wicked laugh and said, "Come here, let me clip your wings!"



(I know his blood, but you can still turn him away

You don't owe him anything)



"Raise the roof", he yelled

"Yeah, raise the roof", I yelled back

Unfortunately you needed a health scare to re-prioritize

No thanks to the soap box

Having me rile against them won't make an ounce of difference



I'm in the front row, the front row with popcorn

I get to see you, see you close up



[Background: Oh, the things I've done for you

Many a stitch a friend a man's been left for you

Oh, the books I've read for you

The tongues I've bitten for you

Many a new city for you

For you, many a risk taken for you (not a single regret)]