This Grudge

Fourteen years, thirty minutes, fifteen seconds I've held this grudge

Eleven songs, four full journals, thoughts of punishment I've expended.



Not in contact; not a letter

Such communication, telepathic

You've been vilified, used as fodder, you deserve a piece of every record.



But who's it hurting now?

Who's the one that's stuck?

And who's it torturing now with an antique knot in her stomach?



I wanna be big and let go of this grudge that's grown old

All this time I've not known how to rest this bygone

I wanna be soft and resolved; clean of slate and released

I wanna forgive for the both of us.



Like an abandoned house

Dusty-covered furniture still intact

If I visit it now, do I simply re-live it?

Somehow gratuitous.



But who's still aching now?

Who's tired of her own voice?

Who's it weighing down with no gift from time of said healing?



I wanna be big and let go of this grudge that's grown old

All this time I've not known how to rest this bygone

I wanna be soft and resolved; clean of slate and released

I wanna forgive for the both of us.



Maybe as I cut the cord, veils will lift from my eyes

Maybe as I lay this to rest, dead weight off my shoulders will rise.



Here I sit, much determined

Ever ill-equipped to draw this curtain

How this has entertained, validated, and has served me greatly

Ever the victim.



But who's done whining now?

Who's ready to put down?

This load I've carried longer than I had cared to remember.



I wanna be big and let go of this grudge that's grown old

For the life of me, I've not known how to rest this bygone

I wanna be soft and resolved; clean of slate and released

I wanna forgive the both of us.



I wanna be big and let go of this grudge that's grown old

For the life of me, I've not known how to rest this bygone

I wanna be soft and resolved; clean of slate and released

I wanna forgive the both of us.