I Want A New Duck
Weird Al Yankovic · Permanent Record Al In The Box [1999]
I want a new duck
One that won't try to bite
One that won't chew a hole in my socks
One that won't quack all night
I want a new duck
One with big webbed feet
One that knows how to wash my car
And keep his room real neat
One that won't raid the ice box
One that'll stay in shape
One that's never gonna try to migrate or escape
Or I'll tie him up with duck tape
I want a new duck
A mallard I think
One that won't make a mess of my house
Or build a nest in the bathroom sink
I want a new duck
One that won't steal my beer
One that won't stick his bill in my mail
One that knows the duck stops here
One that won't drive me crazy waddling all around
One who'll teach me how to swim and help me not to drown
And show me how to get down
How to get down baby
Get it?
I want a new duck
Not a swan or a goose
Just a drake I can dress real cute
Think I'm gonna name him Bruce
I want a new duck
Not a quail or an owl
One that won't molt to much
One that won't smell too fowl
One that won't beg for breadcrumbs
Hangin' around all day
He'd better mind his manners
Better do just what I say
Or he's gonna be duck patte, duck patte, yah, yah
I Want A New Duck
Released on the 1999 compilation Permanent Record Al In The Box, "I Want A New Duck" stands as a quintessential example of Weird Al Yankovic's signature parody style. The track reimagines the classic song "I Want a New Girl," substituting the romantic narrative with a humorous take on pet ownership and the desire for a different companion. Yankovic's meticulous attention to detail is evident in the vocal delivery and the clever wordplay that defines his discography. As a staple of his catalog, the recording showcases his ability to transform familiar melodies into fresh, comedic statements while maintaining the musical integrity of the original composition. It remains a beloved song in his body of work, celebrated for its wit and the seamless execution of his parody artistry.