Je M'appelle J. Cousteau
Gwar · Other Songs - Gwar
lump fairies swear at glories far be-
yond the fabric that she wears. He said
"Do ya wanna chair?" I'd join him any-
where! A hole in the ground, in this
theatre I found J.C.'s infernal horde--
they caper, they banter, forming human
pyramids, all to please--their infernal
Lord...Whoa! His name is J. Cousteau!!!
A pussy and I know you know!! I know
you know, and there he goes. He goes and
grows, on gosh, he knows--Aboard the
Calypso!! The foam beside, and a burly
sea to ride, all spell goodness for the
master of the whirling pimple tides.
He tried and fried until the rusted
hinges sighed, and then he stepped
inside! He found her there, swimming
in her seaweed hair, looking vaguely
like a lover who has hung herself with
underwear--Phosphorescent green and
the sex-act made obscene, in Jacques
galleon of hatred--This wrinkled French-
man is a living god!!!
Cousteau, you know, where the dying
dolphins go, and the wasteland ever growing,
never slowing till it's far below--Put it
on your T.V. show--and let the humans
know!!!
Je M'appelle J. Cousteau
Gwar's 1992 track "Je M'appelle J. Cousteau" stands as a quintessential example of the band's unique fusion of heavy metal and absurdist comedy. The song features the group's signature vocal style, blending screaming vocals with spoken-word delivery to deliver a satirical narrative about a fictional explorer. Released during the height of their early career, the recording exemplifies the chaotic energy and theatricality that defined Gwar's live performances and studio output. By juxtaposing serious-sounding musical arrangements with ridiculous subject matter, the track reinforced the band's reputation for pushing the boundaries of traditional metal genres. It remains a staple of their discography, capturing the spirit of a band that prioritized humor and shock value alongside musical aggression.
