The Man Who Couldnt Cry

There once was a man
And he couldnt cry
He hadn't cried for years and for years
Napalmed babies, movie love storys
For instance could not produce tears

As a child he had cried
As all children will
Then at some point his tear ducts all ran dry
Grew to be a man
It all hit the fan
Things got bad, but he couldnt cry

His dog got ran over
His wife up and left him
After that he got sacked from his job
Lost his arm in a war
Was laughed at by a whore
Oh but not a sniffle or sob

Well his novel was refused
And his movie was panned
His big Broadway show was a flop
He got sent off to jail
You guessed it no bail
Oh but still not a dribble or drop

In jail he was beaten, bullied, and buggered
Made to make licence plates
Water and Bread, was all he was fed
Not once did a tear stain his face
Doctors were called in
Scientists too
Thealogins were last, and practically least

They all agreed, sure enough
This is no creme puff
Oh, but in fact an insensitive beast
He was taken from jail
And placed in a place
For the insensitive, and insane
He made alot of friends
And he played alot of chess
And he cried every time it would rain

Once it rained fourty days
And it rained fourty nights
And he cried, and he cried, and he cried
On the fourty first day, he passed away
He just de-hydrated and died

He went up to Heaven
Located his dog
After that he re-joined his arm
Below, all the critics they took it all back
Cancer robbed the whore of her charm
His ex-wife died of stretch marks
His ex-employer went broke
The thealogins were finally found out
Right down to the ground
The jail house burned down
And the earth suffered perpetual drought