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Artist/Band: Frank Zappa
Lyrics for Song: Harry & Rhonda
Lyrics for Album: Thing-Fish [1984]



RHONDA: (stage whisper)

HARRY, this is not DREAM GIRLS!



HARRY: (stage whisper)

They told me it had c-c-colored folk in it, RHONDA, and that's ALWAYS a

sure sign of GOOD, SOLID, MUSICAL ENTERTAINMENT! How was I

supposed to know they'd be this ugly?



RHONDA:

They pissed on us, HARRY! They fuckin' pissed on us! Look at my fox!



HARRY:

I know, dear...but they pissed on me too...he did say they were

INCONTINENT!



RHONDA:

Just smell this! I think we should get out of here before they do something

else to us!



HARRY:

Leave? Now? At these ticket prices? Just hold your horses...it probably

wasn't REAL PISS... only 'theater piss'...they probably have a formula...

some special stuff...comes right outta the fur with Woolite.



RHONDA:

What's happened to Broadway, HARRY? Used to be you could come to one

of these things and the wind would be RUSHING DOWN THE PLAIN or a

fairy on a string would go over the audience...but NOW! Harry, I ask you:

is THIS entertainment?



HARRY:

You're absolutely correct, dear! So far we haven't seen a single

good-looking pair of legs...a single sequin-encrusted whatchamacallit ...

no firm, rounded breasts! This show is a DISASTER, RHONDA! A

complete and utter DISASTER!



THING-FISH:

Mmmm! Say dere...hey! Umm-hmm! Thass right! HEY YOU! You two ugly

white folks...over heahhh!



As you know, de presence of carboniferous hard-core unemployables

has gen'rally, in de historical past, GUARANTEED an evenin' of upliftin'

FROLIC and CAVORTMENT...it'd be a shame fo y'all t'miss out on dis

here one! Got some nice chairs fo' ya, rights ovuh heahhh.



HARRY & RHONDA rise, cross to THING-FISH, and sit in the chairs he

offers. They are immediately chained to them by The MAMMIES.



HARRY:

Uhhh...beg pardon? What's going on here?



RHONDA:

Oh! They're touching me! HARRY! HARRY! HARRY! HARRY, do something!

THEY'RE PUTTING CHAINS ON ME! I'LL BE STUCK TO THE CHAIR! Oh!

What'll I do? I'LL MISS INTERMISSION!



HARRY:

They're only 'theater chains', RHONDA! Just some sort of...



RHONDA:

THESE ARE REAL GODDAM CHAINS, HARRY, AND THEY'RE NOT GONNA

COME OFF WITH WOOLITE!



HARRY:

I don't mind the way they feel...they don't bother me, honey...relax!

Go with the flow...



RHONDA:

HARRY, YOU ARE AN OVER-EDUCATED SHIT-HEAD!



THING-FISH:

Look here, folks...dis only fo yo own protexium! Once we gets rollin' heah,

things be happnin' all over de place dat could prove dangerous to persons

not previously acquainted wit de SAN QUENTIM MASH- POTATOES!



RHONDA:

I want the wind to come rushing down the plain! I want fairies on a string

over the audience! I want REAL BROADWAY ENTERTAINMENT! Feathers!

Spot-lights! Guilt! Hours upon hours of GUILT! About my mother! About my

father! About brave women, suffering at the hands of infantile, insensitive,

dominating men! And what do I get? A Potato-headed jig-a-boo with Catholic

clothes on! Incomprehensible duck lips! Weak bladders draining through

abnorminably large organs! Jesus, HARRY! What the FUCK is going on here?



HARRY:

Simmer down! If you'll just roll with the punches...and don't rock the boat,

I'm sure we'll have a lovely evening at the theater!



THING-FISH:

Thass right! We got fairies on a string fo yo ass jes' a little later! Meanwhile,

I b'lieves y'all requires some updatement on de CO-LOG-NUH situatium!

Sister OB'DEWLLA 'X'! Express yo'seff!


Album Lyrics: Thing-Fish [1984]


Frank Zappa
"Thing-Fish [1984]"


1. Mammy Nuns
2. Harry & Rhonda
3. Galoot Up-Date
4. The 'Torchum' Never Stops
5. That evil prince
6. You Are What You Is (in album Thing-fish)
7. Mudd Club (in album Thing-Fish)
8. The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing (in album Thing-Fis
9. Clowns On Velvet
10. Harry-As-A-Boy
11. The Massive Improve'lence
12. Artificial Rhonda
13. The Crab-Grass Baby
14. The White Boy Troubles
15. No Not Now (in album Thing-fish)
16. Briefcase Boogie
17. Wistful With A Fist-Full
18. Drop dead
19. Won Ton On